Last Wednesday night I was sitting at my rehab Alumni Support Group and the facilitator asked, "Does anyone have anything they'd like to share?" the room got silent and I squeaked out, "I do...something really weird happened to me yesterday and I was wondering if anyone else had experienced this or if my brain is just messing with me".
Yesterday was the most 'triggery' day I've had since I got out of the house. From the moment I woke up until the moment I went to bed I could smell vodka. All. Day. Long. In my bedroom, on the bus, all day at work and then again when I was in my room getting ready for bed.
Several of my friends said that they had experienced things that were similar - one friend related that occasionally everything he drinks tastes like whiskey and one of the other group members related that during her second month of pregnancy she could taste and smell heroin. All. The. Time. Dennis my former therapist was furiously googling the condition that I spoke of and he asked me if I had been experiencing any respiratory conditions and/or infections. I said that I had been experiencing allergies but that was it.
Finally, Tony the owner of our center sat up and asked the question that everyone in the room especially me was wondering, "Ang, how did you not drink?"
Ang: I have no idea. I thought about it all day and night. I had an amazing day at work and then when the cravings continued I went home, journaled about other stuff and worked on birthday cards until bedtime. Mostly, I consumed myself with self care and tried to distract myself.
Honestly, I have no idea why I didn't drink last Tuesday but I'm so glad that I didn't. I have a big anniversary coming up next week and I really want to hit it and have that success under my belt. I do know one thing for sure, this addiction is a beast. A live, terrifying and totally distracting beast. All it wants to do is ruin my life - one battle at a time and all I want is to find my healthy happy so that I can win the war.
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